I wrote some of this months and months ago when I was feeling a little lost. I'm not sure why I didn't post it but I think maybe it is because it felt too raw. Now that I'm feeling a little more grounded I think I'm ready to share...
My time in Australia has been a series of highs and lows. I've felt lost, sad, and lonely and I went looking to the dictionary to find the definitions of the words...
My time in Australia has been a series of highs and lows. I've felt lost, sad, and lonely and I went looking to the dictionary to find the definitions of the words...
Lost :
unable to find one's way, not knowing ones whereabouts
unable to be found
(of a person) very confused or insecure or in great difficulties
denoting something that has been taken away or cannot be recovered
having perished or been destroyed
wow… that explains a lot
very similar to loss
loss:
the fact or process of losing something or someone
the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value
a person or thing that is badly missed when lost
(( at a loss))
puzzled or uncertain what to think, say or do
loss:
the fact or process of losing something or someone
the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value
a person or thing that is badly missed when lost
(( at a loss))
puzzled or uncertain what to think, say or do
How a simple dictionary definition can express so clearly how I've felt at times. This new life is the adventure we'd been talking of for so long. I wonder what the definition of adventure is?
Adventure
n. an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous experience or activity
daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm
engage in hazardous and exciting activity esp. the exploration of unknown territory
Then you can see my problem - I am all at once experiencing being lost / feeling loss and being in hazard on a adventure… one in which I need enterprise and enthusiasm
Enterprise
project or undertaking typically one that is difficult or requires effort
initiative and resourcefulness
Resourcefulness
having the ability to find quick and cleaver ways to overcome difficulties
So the result is that I have undertaken something to which I need specific skills - some of which I don't have…. I've come unprepared for the tasks I'm experiencing and without my friends and family safety net.
The thing is I've always WANTED TO BE the kind of person who goes on adventures and lives in another part of the world. I think sometimes I am this person and sometimes I'm just not. Sometimes I just want things to go back to being easy and reliable and comfortable.
Some people told me I was brave to move my family to Australia… and I think I am. I'm able to imagine the possibility of success in this… to be able to embrace all it entails and come out at the other end- DARE I SAY... HAPPY!
Cin cin (cheers)!
Cin cin (cheers)!
